Trust and deception and stuff

I've been wanting for quite a while to visit my mother and sister in Florida. My mom is 88 --- I don't know how many more times I'll see her, so it's important.

My husband doesn't let me go anywhere without him except the bathroom. He even has to accompany me to the post office. And I don't want him to accompany me to Florida, so of course, the subject is horrific beyond discussion.

My sister has offered to pay half my way there. That means that if I sell my last diamonds, I ought to be able to make the money to go myself. No hit on the family funds, just me and my time. I'm prepared to insist.

I'm sitting here on this secret. Haven't had the nerve to tell him about it yet.

I also need to be prepared for some serious emotional baggage handed to me by my lifemate. It's going to be rough, and he's going to make sure I pay and pay.

It's worth it, though. I can't wait to see my family again!

Stitches OUT!

A couple of weeks back, I got my wrist operated on for carpal tunnel syndrome. The surgery was a total success, and I got the stitches out yesterday. I had a huge dressing which I couldn't get wet or remove, and after a couple of days on not washing my hand, I became obsessed with the idea that I had cooties.

Needless to say, I got through it. But yesterday was a BANNER DAY! and everything is MUCH better today!

An Increasingly Good Friend

There's a man I knew slightly at first, via the Internet, who's been walking the whole cancer path with me. Via cancer, I got to know him better, and feel close to him.

The cancer path led to two different destinations for the two of us. I took an exit two years ago and cancer is no longer a part of my life. Jay has just started hospice care --- the medical establishment has given up on him.

So his journey is this: he's passing on to the Next Life, whatever it may be, while I'm enjoying this life. I don't know what to say, because I don't know what to think. I don't know what to think.

I've shot off my big mouth over the years about my absolute faith in life after death, and I still believe that, but now, because the oncologists have abandoned Jay, I'm getting in touch with my fear.

Sooner or later, we will all do that, and none of us will like it any better than I do. I wonder what goes on in the hearts of people like the Pope, or any preacher, or any professional religion talker. Because they face this, too.

I'm so bummed I don't know what to do with myself.

Missouri or bust!

Missouri would not be my first choice of a place to move to for the rest of our lives, but that's where our daughter and grandbaby live, so that's where we're going.

I hope.

I have to overcome a TREMENDOUS inertia on the part of my husband, natch, and also all the shit in this house. I mean, there are tons of stuff in this house, and most of us, nobody has used in the 20 years since we moved here.

Somebody help me! Is there a saint of dealing with messy houses? Because as hard as it is to imagine moving to Missouri --- or anyplace --- it would be nice to have some options, and right now, we don't. Right now all we have is crap...sigh...!

Pain

This is a bad word in our family. I guess it's a bad word for Americans in general. We get shameful if we suffer pain, and especially if doctors can't find any underlying pathology.

Everybody in my mother's line of the family suffers chronic pain. They all have intestinal difficulties of one kind of another, as do I, and arthritis everywhere, as do I. I've relied on narcotic painkillers, and they do alcohol. Alcohol is a lot easier, because nobody hassles you about it, but it doesn't particularly agree with me. When I drink, I exchange my pain for nausea, and severe IBS problems the next day. Plus, it would make me even fatter.

But whenever I have to refill my hydrocodone, if I'm even a day early, I have to undergo humiliation as well as pain. I've never talked to anybody else who Uses, but I'm guessing we all have the same problem, since I get this shit everywhere I go, from doctor's staffs and pharmacists.

I don't know what the doctor will say when I see him this afternoon. I know he's sick of my problems, but he can't be any more so than I am.

End of rant.

It's the Robot Rebellion

Here's the problem: since we're retired, we're not exactly swimming in money. In fact, we didn't have that much to start with, and Chris' insurance is going to take more than $500 a month, and about $350 for the car payment. So we're hard up.

So the A/C breaks down, and the plumbing --- we need a new kitchen faucet, we need the drain cleaned out in the bathroom sink, and there's some kind of leak in the wall behind the bathroom sink cabinet. Water is spreading out over the floor in Danny's bedroom and the bathroom.

Here's the other thing. I REALLY don't want to go back to work. I hated work. I'm trying to avoid it at all costs. But we're going to have to spend savings to get these things fixed. It's not a very good sign, using savings in the first year.

I dunno....(*heavy sigh*)

Ho, ho, ho!

'Tis the season to be jolly, and I rather am! I've been in a baking frenzy recently, well, baking up bread only. Tonight, we are trying some yeast rolls that allegedly can stay alive in the fridge for up to 5 days. so far, they've been "rising" half an hour, except they haven't moved at all. I'm highly skeptical ot the whole idea, but we'll see.

Meanwhile, i've been very successful with white bread recipes, and so far, our favorite is the one on page 603 of "The Joy of Cooking."

All of the gifties I've gotten for Chris require the participation of members of the community, and they are delighted, and so am I! Because of the Internet forum, Twenty Peaceful Minutes (har har), we have a much better sense of community here in Forney, and that's a truly cool thing.

It's cold out, and Chris is making a from scratch soup tonight and God willing and the creek don't rise, we'll have home-baked from scratch rolls to go with it!